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Disclaimer
The following conversation between a believer and God is not meant to
represent a specific theology or theological truth. It represents one
believer's struggle and the response that believer represents as God's
truth for that believer and that believer alone.
I need you Lord. I need you to be with me.
I am always
with you. Remember how I said "until the end of the age",
well, I am with you until forever if you get my smiley.
I'm not in much of a smiley mood. I'm inundated
with the pain, depression, fear, all the other garbage I have to live
with.
Yes, I know
you are. I love you. I love you and I need you. I need you to keep on
keeping on. Never give up. Never give in. No matter what, you have to
keep going.
I hear you tell me these things. I know what you
mean. But things are really coming apart on me. Every day is a struggle.
Getting one foot in front of the other is a struggle. What do I do?
Live in me.
You cannot do life on your own. No one can. You don't have enough of the
right stuff in you. No one does. So you have to live in me. When you
live in me I fully live in you. I live in everyone but they don't know
it. They live in ignorance about me living in them. I need you to keep
on and tell them how much I need them and how much I love them. Do you
feel my comfort, my son?
No, not at the moment. The darkness is getting
me. Right now I am nothing. I am tired and broken. The way things are
going, it does not look like I am going to ever be different.
My son, I
love you. I promise you a new day. I promise to bring you healing. I do
not heal as the world knows healing. I bring healing everlasting. I
bring eternal healing. You must be patient. You must wait. You must bite
the bullet so to speak. I hate bullets. I hate war. What a tragedy when
man does not make peace. You, my son, my servant, must be more divine in
your suffering. All people must be more divine in their suffering. You
must drop a drop of my love in the ocean. Your little drop of love in
the ocean seems to disappear into nothing. However, I am a supernatural
being. I do a lot of supernatural stuff every day. If you could see what
I do because of your life you would be astounded. If you could see what
I do because of every servant's life you would be astounded.
It doesn't look like it. It doesn't look like I
make any difference.
I'm
invisible. I work in invisible ways my wonders to perform.
My dad used to say that.
My hand was
fully upon your father. He did not know it. He did not find a life in
the church but I loved Him and my hand was upon Him. He is with me now.
He is steeped in glory.
I did not have the words to tell him I loved
him. I wish I could go back and tell him.
You don't
need to go back my son, for I am telling Him and showing Him.
Thank you Lord. I need you. Right now I am so
overwhelmed and so broken. I am so homesick. My heart is breaking. What
grief I bear. I need you.
OK, let's
talk about summertime. Remember when Aunt Mildred would hold you on her
lap and your favorite talk was always about summertime. About how you
could go play outside, go on picnics, go fishing, go into town, and all
the other things little kids do in the summertime? Well, it is time to
think about the best time. It is time to think about the blessings time.
You have been under many curses not of your own making. Before the
beginning there were curses. But you were mine. You have always been
mine. You are a big gleam in my eye. I made you tender like a new blade
of grass. I made it so you would hurt more than others. I made your
heart to be open and seeking for my face. I did not bring the darkness
upon you but I bring your light into the darkness. You are mine. You
have always been mine. You will always be mine. You are my special
little one. Every person ever born is my special little one in infinite
numbers of ways. Like all people you have gone astray but when you went
astray I was with you. I was next to you. I was within you. You are a
blessing in my eyes because you love me and serve me in the darkness. It
is easy to serve me in the light. It is nearly impossible to serve me in
the darkness. But you serve me in your deepest darkness. The world needs
you. I need you. Others need you. When you place a drop of my love into
the ocean, all the fishes and creatures of the sea rejoice. When you
place a drop of my love in the ocean, I rejoice. In your pain, you want
to know many things but I must keep some things from you. In your pain,
you want me to be with you in ways you think you need. But I must be
only who I am in my own way. I must never be who I am in your way. Be
comforted in knowing I know all of your pain. When you pray every day, I
am with you. When you struggle as you pray, I am with you. When you
hurt, I am with you. When you shake from the pain and other conditions,
I am with you. I will never leave you are forsake you. Do not let the
pain blind you. Do not let the pain do what it wants to you. Be mine in
all ways and you will be blessed. Be mine in all ways and the world will
be blessed. There will come a time when the flowers will blossom and the
birds will sing. The fish will jump, the frogs will croak, and the
crickets will chirp. You will smell the green, green grass of home. You
will soak it in as you have never done before. You will count every day
of your life as a day of mine. You will count every day of your life as
a day we walked and talked in my garden. You must carry on. I need you
too much. You must carry on. I need you to carry my love to the world. I
know you don't feel like carrying on right now. I know you don't feel
you have the strength to carry on any more. I know all there is to know
and I am with you. However, you must live each minute for me. Count you
blessings, see them one by one, see the great things I have done. See
the great things I have done in you and through you. My son, in my heart
I hurt with you. In my heart, I cry with you. But as much as I hurt, I
will not take away your burdens. You must carry your cross. You must
carry your afflictions. I want you to understand how torn I am. I want
you to understand how difficult it is for me to walk with you and talk
with you because my heart is torn for you. I want you to know I love you
beyond all knowing. But I brought your light into the darkness. You have
known from the beginning. You knew your destiny. You knew and know your
mission and purpose. You are fulfilling your mission and purpose in
glory. In fulfilling your mission and purpose Heaven sings greater
songs. In fulfilling your mission and purpose, my armies of angels wage
war against the dark powers of the earth. My words are not soothing to
you now, but later on, during your prayer times and during your other
times of pain and suffering, come back to my words. Read and soak in my
words. My words are words of love and comfort.
Thank you, Lord. I love you so very much.
I love you
back my son.
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