The following conversation between a believer and God
is not meant to represent a specific theology or theological truth. It
represents one believer's struggle and the response that believer
represents as God's truth for that believer and that believer alone.
Good morning Lord. It's over Lord. I cannot go on. I hurt. I ache.
I am lonely. I am sick in my heart and my body. My relationships are
gone. No one cares about me. I am in the deepest pit and I cannot get
out. I don't even know if I believe in you.
Every moment is given to you to shine out, but when you let the
darkness run your life, there is no light. When the darkness runs your
life, where am I? The answer is...I begin to not exist for you. When the
darkness runs your life, you begin to doubt and then you begin to think
I do not exist. In every darkness, you can let me in but if you are
immersed in whining, complaining, and thinking "woe is me"
then I do not have much of a chance to intervene for you. The same is
true for the way you see your future. When you look into the future and
see only times full of woe, then the darkness is running your life. My
power is unlimited. However, to preserve you as I created you to be, you
must exercise the power I gave you. I want you growing every second you
are alive. I do not want regression. I want advancement. When you let
the darkness devastate your attitudes, beliefs, and views of your world,
you are not advancing or growing.
Don't you love me? Where are the love words?
Right now, you need a good talking to. The love words will come
later. You have been feeling sorry for yourself. You don't want me to
love you, you want me to pity you. You want me to feel sorry for you so
I will love you. I don't work that way. You cannot find my love or find
me by appealing to me with your self-pity. If there is one thing the
darkness wants, it is for you to sit in the darkness of self-pity. When
the pain comes, "it is not over." When the pain comes, so
what? This is the most important question you will ever have to answer
when the pain comes. The answer for you right now to "so
what?" is… "It is over, doom has come."
So what? You say, "so what?" to my pain??? What kind of
God are you? Don't you love me any more? Where is the love? Where is
your compassion? What's happened to you? You are God. You are supposed
love all the time?
My child, I am teasing you, in a way. I am love. I still love you
like always. What I am trying to do here is to get you to say to the
pain, "So what?" The pain must be nothing to you. The pain
must not eat away at you like the pain is doing right now. Every time
you even think you will be attacked by the darkness, you go into this
"woe is me" mindset. You are making yourself miserable. You
are destroying yourself. You have begun to lose your life and lose the
battle against the darkness. I want victory from you. Right now, all you
can think about is the darkness and all your problems. My answer of
"so what" is to get you to see how pain must be meaningless in
its impact upon you. When pain impacts you in a negative way, pain wins
out. You must not let this happen.
But…but…aren't you supposed to love me and make my darkness go
You want sympathy but to what end? You must get to the darkness
before the darkness gets to you. I cannot help you unless you start
helping yourself. I do not invade a person's life. My love will only
help you for the moment and not permanently help you if you do not make
up your mind to stop your neediness. When you let the darkness do
whatever the darkness wants to do to you, for the people who need you,
you become part of the darkness because you are not showing my light.
You need to see how important it is to maintain your own house. You need
to maintain your life, not just for yourself, but for others.
But where is your love for me.
All I am is free to anyone who comes to me. Right now, you are
not really coming to me. You want me to come to you and fix all your
problems you could fix on your own. Let me put it to you this way. In
your case of so much self-pity, if you want my love you have to do
something. If you want me to help you, then you have to earn it. Earn it
by being my true child instead of being an imitation child. You are not
helpless, so stop acting like you are helpless. Yes, you have problems
and issues, but you must not let your issues do bad things to you in
your heart and mind. How you respond to your pain, suffering, and
adversity can be a blessing to me. When you bless me, then you are in
turn blessed. Stop whining. Stop complaining. Start working. Just a
simple "thank you" to someone who desperately needs to know
other people care is critical for them.
Am I being selfish here?
Yes, you are being selfish. Satan wants you to be selfish. Satan
puts pain on you. When Satan puts pain on you, what happens to you?
When you hurt, are you feeling selfish or unselfish?
When you hurt and you start feeling like the world is going to
end for you, see the meaninglessness of your pain and say "So
So, I am the one who is supposed to say "So what?" when
Yes. Once you begin to see how the pain has no power, then my
power can begin to work in your life. Once you begin to see how the pain
has no power, then you begin to see how I really am a being of love who
Oh. Yes, I see that now. Wow! I see what you mean. I am sorry I am
so dense. I love you Lord.
I love you back my child.