Shepherd's Care Ministries

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Conversation Number 28

Conversations are updated as He leads.

The following conversation between a believer and God is not meant to represent a specific theology or theological truth. It represents one believer's struggle and the response that believer represents as God's truth for that believer and that believer alone.

Good morning Lord. It's over Lord. I cannot go on. I hurt. I ache. I am lonely. I am sick in my heart and my body. My relationships are gone. No one cares about me. I am in the deepest pit and I cannot get out. I don't even know if I believe in you.
Every moment is given to you to shine out, but when you let the darkness run your life, there is no light. When the darkness runs your life, where am I? The answer is...I begin to not exist for you. When the darkness runs your life, you begin to doubt and then you begin to think I do not exist. In every darkness, you can let me in but if you are immersed in whining, complaining, and thinking "woe is me" then I do not have much of a chance to intervene for you. The same is true for the way you see your future. When you look into the future and see only times full of woe, then the darkness is running your life. My power is unlimited. However, to preserve you as I created you to be, you must exercise the power I gave you. I want you growing every second you are alive. I do not want regression. I want advancement. When you let the darkness devastate your attitudes, beliefs, and views of your world, you are not advancing or growing.

Don't you love me? Where are the love words?
Right now, you need a good talking to. The love words will come later. You have been feeling sorry for yourself. You don't want me to love you, you want me to pity you. You want me to feel sorry for you so I will love you. I don't work that way. You cannot find my love or find me by appealing to me with your self-pity. If there is one thing the darkness wants, it is for you to sit in the darkness of self-pity. When the pain comes, "it is not over." When the pain comes, so what? This is the most important question you will ever have to answer when the pain comes. The answer for you right now to "so what?" is… "It is over, doom has come."

So what? You say, "so what?" to my pain??? What kind of God are you? Don't you love me any more? Where is the love? Where is your compassion? What's happened to you? You are God. You are supposed love all the time?
My child, I am teasing you, in a way. I am love. I still love you like always. What I am trying to do here is to get you to say to the pain, "So what?" The pain must be nothing to you. The pain must not eat away at you like the pain is doing right now. Every time you even think you will be attacked by the darkness, you go into this "woe is me" mindset. You are making yourself miserable. You are destroying yourself. You have begun to lose your life and lose the battle against the darkness. I want victory from you. Right now, all you can think about is the darkness and all your problems. My answer of "so what" is to get you to see how pain must be meaningless in its impact upon you. When pain impacts you in a negative way, pain wins out. You must not let this happen.

But…but…aren't you supposed to love me and make my darkness go away?
You want sympathy but to what end? You must get to the darkness before the darkness gets to you. I cannot help you unless you start helping yourself. I do not invade a person's life. My love will only help you for the moment and not permanently help you if you do not make up your mind to stop your neediness. When you let the darkness do whatever the darkness wants to do to you, for the people who need you, you become part of the darkness because you are not showing my light. You need to see how important it is to maintain your own house. You need to maintain your life, not just for yourself, but for others.

But where is your love for me.
All I am is free to anyone who comes to me. Right now, you are not really coming to me. You want me to come to you and fix all your problems you could fix on your own. Let me put it to you this way. In your case of so much self-pity, if you want my love you have to do something. If you want me to help you, then you have to earn it. Earn it by being my true child instead of being an imitation child. You are not helpless, so stop acting like you are helpless. Yes, you have problems and issues, but you must not let your issues do bad things to you in your heart and mind. How you respond to your pain, suffering, and adversity can be a blessing to me. When you bless me, then you are in turn blessed. Stop whining. Stop complaining. Start working. Just a simple "thank you" to someone who desperately needs to know other people care is critical for them.

Am I being selfish here?
Yes, you are being selfish. Satan wants you to be selfish. Satan puts pain on you. When Satan puts pain on you, what happens to you?

I hurt.
When you hurt, are you feeling selfish or unselfish?

Selfish.
When you hurt and you start feeling like the world is going to end for you, see the meaninglessness of your pain and say "So what?"

So, I am the one who is supposed to say "So what?" when I hurt.
Yes. Once you begin to see how the pain has no power, then my power can begin to work in your life. Once you begin to see how the pain has no power, then you begin to see how I really am a being of love who loves you.

Oh. Yes, I see that now. Wow! I see what you mean. I am sorry I am so dense. I love you Lord.
I love you back my child.

 

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Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked (RSV) are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, Revised Standard Version of the Bible, Copyright © 1952 [2nd edition, 1971] by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

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Shepherd's Care Ministries author and webmaster, Rev. Patrick Kelly, is affiliated through ministerial ordination with Church of God Ministries_ P._O._Box_2420_Anderson_IN 46018